Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
