Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
