I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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