She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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