btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
