If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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