my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
