Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
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I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
