I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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