Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
