hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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