if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
