Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
