I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
