maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
