Michael Bay diarrhea
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
