I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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