watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
