i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Two words: blizzard sex
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
