she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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