Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize