I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
