$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
