Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
