Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
