If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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