Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
