tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
