the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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