i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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