I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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