Tell her she can't have a vagina
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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