I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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