This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
