I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
