The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
