So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
