I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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