So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
MIDGETS
????
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
