Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
