If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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