Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
