I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
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nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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