god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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