While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
