I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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