also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The ass gains better be worth it
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