Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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