Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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