so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
