i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
