No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
