im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
