so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
