hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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