Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
