our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
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