Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
