someone threw a dead crab at me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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