Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
