Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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