I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
