Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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