Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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