What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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