So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
