I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
