You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
